Thursday, 11 October 2012

Impulses...physical...chemical...some nerve!

Gone are the pangs of words unspoken and just a void the abstract desert of imagination...nothing blooms...Clouds loom large over the placid lake that are my eyes now and the sun goes down for more than several months. I have drifted away to the farthest end of the earth. 

I try the hardest to find a glimpse of hope...a ray of lost sunshine when I realize...its not that the world has gone quiet...I have turned's not that there is no sunshine...I have gone blind...the grief that is holding my savage heart a hostage is not of the world but a Frankenstine I've own personal nemesis.

In each of us, a world gets created by the choices we make and I was doomed to have my destruction brought upon by none else but me. I don't know why I was born with the spirit of a fighter...I have never quit...when everything goes down I still have hopes of constructing everything over again...even on lost grounds. I don't know how but somehow I don't ever know when to realize it's a battle lost...and somewhere because I always believe there is a comeback...I make it happen...almost all by the fierceness of that desire...that belief in myself...that unflinching resolve to create a world I want to live in. 

Destruction is not always incidental...sometimes it is planned well in advance for complete annihilation is perhaps the first requirement to create something that never existed before. There has to be no 'before'. Things have to start from the beginning of time. Sometimes it actually is better to have no memories. Now, if only, it was possible to completely erase them from the deepest trenches of our consciousness. 

So, here I am...unwinding time, making it run backwards and wiping away every fragment I have created ever. The air carries with it the whiff of autumn, it's high time I let the yellowed, dying leaves disintegrate. HCN...played a big role in the life coming to the form it currently is...I guess it's high time to take it out of the textbooks and taste it...for real!

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