Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Sunshine and a little rain

Hey Sunshine!
It's been long since anyone had called me by that name...I still turn to that...involuntarily...and always want to see him there...just him...just the way he was when we broke off...standing exactly there...wearing the exact same colour of clothes...that half smile and that rainbow in his misty eyes. wasn't all the same...but it was him and so I wasn't complaining...he just came around and hugged me...ya...right front of all those stupid on feet were dangling a feet above the ground...did I forget how tall he was...and he would always need me at his he would lift me up from ground...twirl me around like I am still a 16 year old girl and make me feel like being in love for the first time...all over again.

And in love I was...had always been...I don't know how to get over people...move on...blah blah...I haven't given a damn...ever. So there I was basking in a warm sunlit cafe as only Bangalore can have and smiling at him like I had just won a lottery or something...he used to call me sunshine...but in reality...he was my sunshine...the warmth that engulfed my heart every-time I thought of him and all the smiles we shared. All that laughter and chasing around and playing bompasting and god knows what...he was my best friend...boyfriend...agony aunt...mentor...jukebox...captain...poetry-listener all rolled into one. God, how I loved him!

To bump into him on the busy streets of Bangalore...well that was something...and to hear him calling not my real name but a name he used to call me long ago...that was something too...and me still turning back at that name...gosh! that really is too much to take head is still reeling at the effect...and his hug still lingers with the same fragrance in my memories...pine and cedar and open mountain crisp air. The only thing that has changed over the years is...I have learned to let this time when he said goodbye...I smiled...and waved him goodbye and said a quiet prayer in my heart for his happiness...and for sunshine...and for I thanked god for being able to love someone so deeply and being loved equally in return.

And I am still stuck at this quote from the movie...2046...
That day, six years ago, a rainbow appeared in my heart. It's still there, like a flame burning inside me. But what are your real feelings for me? Are they like a rainbow after the rain? Or did that rainbow fade away long ago?...
Will I ever stop loving you?

Monday, 19 March 2012

Lost and found

I have been missing him for quite a while...I have actually grown up with him...a major part of my week was spent thinking of what he would write on this Sunday. Karan Thapar's Sunday Sentiments in Hindustan Times has been one of the first things I loved to read ever since I picked up a newspaper to read. It continued untill 2005 in IIMC when I subscribed to the Indian Express...being utterly fed up of the severely non-real stories in Hindustan Times...being a student of Advertising I normally used to find out the real motive behind writing a real article or coverage of news. One of our favorite pass-times in the hostel was taking out any newspaper and tearing it apart with arguments on who has paid for what article and if actually the editor was biased.

It wasn't as much a time of change but in that age I was perhaps looking for something better...Indian Express had a survey conducted in IIMC and a simple message was conveyed...of sunshine stories...everyday in the newspaper there would be one positive news on the front page. I realise that's what I was sold out on...the one positive story. It made me shift from my newspaper of favorite columnists...turned over all. While in IIMC I normally always read the sunday paper in the library...but then projects caught up...and then exams and then the hunt for a job...and then the actual job...then a boyfriend who did not read hindustan al.

I could never get my hands on Hindustan Times again...I hate Times of India so much that for the 6 months after  my marriage that I was in my joint family sasural I stopped reading the newspaper altogether. I shifted to Bangalore and the first thing I did in my home was ask the paperwala to get two newspapers...TOI for kunal and IE for myself. I still was missing Karan Thapar.

And after a long period of missing him...I had almost forgot his before yesterday it started to haunt me again...all I remembered was his white haired photo that came along with his article and that hint of a smile...the nice good natured gentleman I loved to read about. This time I keeled in...I looked it up on the internet and after years of procrastinating about not reading my favorite writers on the internet and only on real paper...I finally read an article by Karan Thapar today.