nowdays i seem to envy people who dont have fear as a regular feature in their lives...and i tend to see freedom as being free from fear too.
i have no idea where and when did i start fearing things, i remember there was a time this word was mysterious to me, i used to think why do people feel afraid. and now i am, at the completely opposite end of the spectrum, wondering how do people go about in their daily lives without fearing something or the other.
to come to very material things, i never had a fear of heights, or darkness, or ghosts, or closed spaces, or crossing roads, or speedy biking...i never felt fear in anything. and in all these years the only thing that has changed drastically in my life is my close encounter with death. i lost my mother, and that i guess really brought upon the realization that death treads softly...and it affects me. i think that is the reason nowdays i am very upset by any attacks, any accidents any murders or such mishappenings.
i dont understand how a human being can be capable to causing so much pain to someone else, and the pain is irreversible. those who are dead cannot come back, the large lacuna can never be filled, there is no way to have any solace except to think of "buts and whys".
i see the current terror scenario and i wonder how can a person do such heinous crimes, are these people who have actually never lost someone near and close or are they such heartless people that they wouldnt feel anything. somehow i want to think it is the second reason...you tend to be insensitive towards something if you are exposed to it for long. when a medical student sees a dead body for a first time, he really hesitates but over a period of time he develops an immunity...a kind of emotional immunity. is it the case with these terrorists, have they actually seen and faced death or is it a first time experience for them?
but i guess life has to move on...and it is not because you are brave or something like that it is beacause after some time instinct takes on...you are routined to do your daily activites from childhood and the response of your emotional side also tends to take on autopilot for emergencies. i think i am in this state now...it will be some time before i begin to think, feel and start to live to myself.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
-Ambrose Redmoon
